Ambiguous grief is so hard and seems like it will never end. I’m grieving the loss of a relationship with my son and his family. Not seeing them and being with my grand daughters that I saw every week has torn me up. What I don’t understand I’m trusting to God as I know He is always with me and one day my heart will be whole again.
Beth, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this painful grief. I know how much my heart breaks so I hate to hear when others are suffering too. I too, look forward to heaven and when all wrongs are made right and we are made perfect, no more tears or sadness. I hold on to that blessed hope.
I'm so sorry Mandy - you (as the spouse) are on a very difficult journey. Many times, people are so focused on the patient, they forget the spouse needs help too. I wish I had the right words that could do something to help your situation. I know you know God cares about every feeling going on in your heart and mind today. I pray you feel His peace.
I ask God to bring peace, tranquility and serenity and he brings it. Anyone that needs help-for anything, I lift them up to God and let it go because he knows exactly what they need and can do what I can't. Faith is like a muscle you have to use it regularly and it strengthens.
Thank you for your timely sharing. I can totally relate. At this moment in time, the person that I’ve loved the most in the whole wide world after my son, is gone in mind and spirit. All that’s left is a body that looks like my dad. I’m still struggling to figure out how exactly did we get here? I had proactively been trying to talk to him for the past three years to convince him to take a more active role in taking better care of his health, but he never listened. I spoke to a friend about the situation. I asked her does anybody ever listen and she was quick to respond, confirming the brutal truth that I’ve known all along but never wanted to accept…no, no one ever does and then it’s too late. This is the latest trial on my faith journey. I surrender each day to the Lord in prayer and supplication and wait for him to show up. It is all I can do. Thank you for framing this pain.
Thank you for sharing this painful part of your life Lydia. I'm sorry you are going through this hurt. You are right, taking it to the Lord for His help is all you can do. As much as we wish it weren't so, we are helpless. But thankfully, nothing is too hard for the Lord, He can work even in the midst of it all.
I’m a retired Pastor’s wife… there are so many who we /I really cherished as friends.
After we were no longer at our last church multiple people have passed into glory. One in particular was closer to my age, and I really appreciated her honesty and friendship with us. She died o believe of cancer… much too young… it’s been a couple years since she passed. But whenever she comes to mind, I cry for her, and her family, the ministry she had at the church, and her love she showed to every one!
Thank you for sharing Jules and being a part of the conversation. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I'm so grateful we know we'll see them in heaven!
Before i was born-again, relationship break-ups were absolutely catastrophic to my emotional well-being. Whatever gf i had was basically "my Jesus" and losing that my world (seemingly) fell apart. It took me down into some deep dark places in my life. It was such a depression that gave an opportunity for a small group of Christians (from the church i would later attend) to give witness. That moment, that night, i accepted Christ and my life was permanently and incalculably changed for the better.
Thanks, Kate. I lost a dear friend at church recently. She falsely accused me of jealousy and it became clear we were never a good fit. She ended up ghosting me which was devastating. I am at a good place now thanks to prayer and time. The hardest part is having to see her each week at church. I've forgiven her and pray for her.
Yes, this is what I was talking about, when you have to see them, it's like opening the wound all over again. Only Jesus can heal that because it is so painful. Thanks for sharing and being a part of the conversation.
When I hear the word hospice, I automatically think of cancer because all my experiences with hospice is when the patient had cancer. But I have no idea the details of your situation. Sorry for my assumption.
You're right. He does have cancer. Glioblastoma Multiforme brain tumor likely from the injection and multiple boosters. As well as the massive heart attack several years ago. He would listen to nothing from me. One reason we are estranged.
It's okay - you're assumption. I know little about hospice and now you've helped me to understand they are primarily for cancer patients. I didn't know that. I was only curious. Thank you. You're very kind. I appreciate it.
Thank you, Kate, for writing this. I have not seen anyone write on this sort of grief. I'm sure some people do, but not many. I have had many, many losses in my life and the people were alive or are still alive. It's difficult.
I think the hard part is that we can choose to connect with them, but because of the circumstances, there is no point. But, in the case of dementia, I feel the relationship with the person can turn into something sweet, but in other situations, there is no point. Asking God to comfort us is the best option, as you said.
There are many different situations but I think everyone deals with this in some way. Thanks so much for giving your insight and adding to the conversation. It is so difficult.
This disenfranchised grief comes often with an ambiguous loss and is often undermined, so I'm so glad you're sharing about it. I write about grief and loss as well, and I believe that all losses matter because we matter, we matter to God. I've created the Grief Stories series for others to share all the different kinds of losses. If you're ever willing to share your grief story I'd like to share it in my Grief Stories series, just let me know.
I find great encouragement for endurance-through-emotional-pain in these words of Aliza Latta: "Even in insurmountable grief there is good. There is always good because there is always God . . . even when nothing else around us is good, His presence in the midst of our deepest pain is a good gift indeed" (from the devo-collection, Take Heart, Revell, 2020). As we practice His presence, God supplies shalom (Isaiah 26:3). Hallelujah!
This is a great topic because it's such a complicated process. I truly appreciate your insights here, Kate. Thank you.
Thanks Stacey!
Ambiguous grief is so hard and seems like it will never end. I’m grieving the loss of a relationship with my son and his family. Not seeing them and being with my grand daughters that I saw every week has torn me up. What I don’t understand I’m trusting to God as I know He is always with me and one day my heart will be whole again.
Beth, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this painful grief. I know how much my heart breaks so I hate to hear when others are suffering too. I too, look forward to heaven and when all wrongs are made right and we are made perfect, no more tears or sadness. I hold on to that blessed hope.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!
I'm so glad you found it helpful.
Husband has pancreatic cancer. As we add treatments, side effects worsen.
The weeks ago, two friends lost their husband on expectantly. It has made my journey very real.
I am following these two closely, very closely to learn from their journey how grief can opened your life.
Thanks for this piece.
I'm so sorry Mandy - you (as the spouse) are on a very difficult journey. Many times, people are so focused on the patient, they forget the spouse needs help too. I wish I had the right words that could do something to help your situation. I know you know God cares about every feeling going on in your heart and mind today. I pray you feel His peace.
Thank you
I ask God to bring peace, tranquility and serenity and he brings it. Anyone that needs help-for anything, I lift them up to God and let it go because he knows exactly what they need and can do what I can't. Faith is like a muscle you have to use it regularly and it strengthens.
Thanks for these good words Deb. So appreciate you reading and commenting!
Thank you for your timely sharing. I can totally relate. At this moment in time, the person that I’ve loved the most in the whole wide world after my son, is gone in mind and spirit. All that’s left is a body that looks like my dad. I’m still struggling to figure out how exactly did we get here? I had proactively been trying to talk to him for the past three years to convince him to take a more active role in taking better care of his health, but he never listened. I spoke to a friend about the situation. I asked her does anybody ever listen and she was quick to respond, confirming the brutal truth that I’ve known all along but never wanted to accept…no, no one ever does and then it’s too late. This is the latest trial on my faith journey. I surrender each day to the Lord in prayer and supplication and wait for him to show up. It is all I can do. Thank you for framing this pain.
Thank you for sharing this painful part of your life Lydia. I'm sorry you are going through this hurt. You are right, taking it to the Lord for His help is all you can do. As much as we wish it weren't so, we are helpless. But thankfully, nothing is too hard for the Lord, He can work even in the midst of it all.
I’m a retired Pastor’s wife… there are so many who we /I really cherished as friends.
After we were no longer at our last church multiple people have passed into glory. One in particular was closer to my age, and I really appreciated her honesty and friendship with us. She died o believe of cancer… much too young… it’s been a couple years since she passed. But whenever she comes to mind, I cry for her, and her family, the ministry she had at the church, and her love she showed to every one!
Thank you for sharing Jules and being a part of the conversation. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I'm so grateful we know we'll see them in heaven!
Before i was born-again, relationship break-ups were absolutely catastrophic to my emotional well-being. Whatever gf i had was basically "my Jesus" and losing that my world (seemingly) fell apart. It took me down into some deep dark places in my life. It was such a depression that gave an opportunity for a small group of Christians (from the church i would later attend) to give witness. That moment, that night, i accepted Christ and my life was permanently and incalculably changed for the better.
Praise God for those Christians who helped you see the One you needed! Thanks so much for sharing!
Thanks, Kate. I lost a dear friend at church recently. She falsely accused me of jealousy and it became clear we were never a good fit. She ended up ghosting me which was devastating. I am at a good place now thanks to prayer and time. The hardest part is having to see her each week at church. I've forgiven her and pray for her.
Yes, this is what I was talking about, when you have to see them, it's like opening the wound all over again. Only Jesus can heal that because it is so painful. Thanks for sharing and being a part of the conversation.
My estranged brother is in hospice right now. Dying. Thank you so much for this.
God is good. God is great.
I'm glad it touched your heart. I'm so sorry about your brother (his cancer and his estrangement). Both are so painful.
Thank you for you caring. How do you know he has cancer? Curious.
When I hear the word hospice, I automatically think of cancer because all my experiences with hospice is when the patient had cancer. But I have no idea the details of your situation. Sorry for my assumption.
You're right. He does have cancer. Glioblastoma Multiforme brain tumor likely from the injection and multiple boosters. As well as the massive heart attack several years ago. He would listen to nothing from me. One reason we are estranged.
It's okay - you're assumption. I know little about hospice and now you've helped me to understand they are primarily for cancer patients. I didn't know that. I was only curious. Thank you. You're very kind. I appreciate it.
Thank you, Kate, for writing this. I have not seen anyone write on this sort of grief. I'm sure some people do, but not many. I have had many, many losses in my life and the people were alive or are still alive. It's difficult.
I think the hard part is that we can choose to connect with them, but because of the circumstances, there is no point. But, in the case of dementia, I feel the relationship with the person can turn into something sweet, but in other situations, there is no point. Asking God to comfort us is the best option, as you said.
There are many different situations but I think everyone deals with this in some way. Thanks so much for giving your insight and adding to the conversation. It is so difficult.
You're welcome, Kate. Yes, it is not easy.
Very instructive... thank you! Just shared as a Note...
This disenfranchised grief comes often with an ambiguous loss and is often undermined, so I'm so glad you're sharing about it. I write about grief and loss as well, and I believe that all losses matter because we matter, we matter to God. I've created the Grief Stories series for others to share all the different kinds of losses. If you're ever willing to share your grief story I'd like to share it in my Grief Stories series, just let me know.
Thank you Katy, I will check it out!
I find great encouragement for endurance-through-emotional-pain in these words of Aliza Latta: "Even in insurmountable grief there is good. There is always good because there is always God . . . even when nothing else around us is good, His presence in the midst of our deepest pain is a good gift indeed" (from the devo-collection, Take Heart, Revell, 2020). As we practice His presence, God supplies shalom (Isaiah 26:3). Hallelujah!
very true Nancy, thank you so much for sharing this!
You're welcome, Kate--I'm glad you found the quote meaningful.
This resonates deeply. The struggle of watching someone change and feeling the loss while they are still physically present is profound.