6 Ways to Positively Engage Others at a Family Gathering

You can do it even if you aren’t an outgoing person.

Do you struggle with being social at gatherings? Ready or not, the holidays are almost upon us!

For some, being with family comes as natural as laughing at a funny joke. For others, it’s just plain hard.

According to Psalm 139:13, He created us. We are in a specific family because He planned it that way. There are no accidents.

I have a large extended family. I am now part of the older generation in the sea of people at the holiday get-together.

The people in their 20s and 30s talk about movies I haven’t seen. They reference pop culture I am not familiar with and use lingo I don’t always understand.

It would be easy for me to sit back, feel awkward, and not participate.

But (and that’s a big but), I don’t want to miss the chance of getting to know my relatives.

I want them to know I love them and am interested in their lives.

Building relationships takes work. It takes me getting out of my comfort zone.

Here’s how I do it. Maybe this will spark some ideas for your upcoming gatherings (family or otherwise).

• Make eye contact while talking one-on-one with them. I want them to know what they are saying is important to me.

• Ask them about their job (if applicable). I have found “How is your job going?” doesn’t give you much information. Most will say, “It’s going good.” Instead, say “Tell me about a typical day at work.” This will give you more insight as to what their job entails, it gives more information to keep the conversation going.

• Ask, “What have you been up to lately?” If they only respond with “Not much,” dig deeper with follow-up questions such as “Have you done anything fun this last month? Seen a good movie? Did you decorate your house for Christmas?” If you ask enough questions, eventually, they will think of something to share with you.

• Compliment them. It could break the ice. Everyone loves to hear something positive about themselves. Make a flattering comment about their appearance, what they are wearing, something their children did, etc.

• Find out what matters to them. They are passionate about something. Ask questions that will help you discover it. Ask what they like to do in their spare time or where they like to go on the weekends.

• Find out what they enjoy about the holidays. Ask them if they’ve looked at Christmas lights or if they’ve decorated their home. Find out their favorite Christmas movie or holiday food.

Not everyone will want to engage in conversation. If it’s obvious they aren’t interested in talking, don’t take it personally. There will probably be another time and place to try again.

The important thing is to make the effort and keep trying. Even if you don’t get a very positive response, you’ve communicated to them that you care and are trying to make a connection.